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Literature Text
A day in the life? Day and life are two words that don't ring familiar to me at the moment. No, this isnt some dark rant about how I want to kill myself and I only see blood in the color of a rose and think I should be shaving my wrists instead of my legs. Days are irrelevant. Life is a concept. Time was created by man. Man sees more happiness in death, peace in war, freedom in oppression. Days and nights are just a box on the calendar of this so called life that we dont allow one another to live, nor do we, ourselves, choose to live it.
I'm afraid to die. But what life is not equally terrifying? I remember the first time I had a near-miss in the face of death. 1984. (note the date created by man to remind ourselves of things of such atrocious nature) I had taken the first Delta flight out of Dallas to LA with my grandmother to visit my uncle in California. The next flight out hit a wind shear and killed everyone on board. Since then I've been deathly afraid of flying. My uncle died of AIDS 7 years later.
My next stare in the face of death was in college. 1996. I was one of those girls you see wrapped up in an abusive relationship with a drug addict who took her virginity and she thus fell 'in love' with him, spending every waking moment trying to save him so he would stop hurting her and stop hurting himself. And you say to yourself, 'why doesnt she just leave?' That thought never crossed my mind. What with my mind constantly between the throes of apologizing for not bailing him out of jail quickly enough and hiding beneath the windowsill of his friend's house that was being held up at gunpoint by the guys my boyfriend chose to sell 3000 dollars worth of fake acid to. Yeah, that's right. If you find the little rich kids who are already fucked up enough on their parents' coke, you can trick them into buying a ream of stratford white bond paper for three grand. A few months later I was on anti-depressants, weighing in at 90 pounds and seeing a therapist trying to overcome my 'co-dependency' while my boyfriend joined AA and proceeded to break up with me for someone who better 'understood' his pain.
My most recent fear of death or the like was just a few months ago. 2002. Walking home at 3am from the Plaid Pantry 6 blocks away. Why was I out at 3am? Because I have insomnia and I ran out of cigarettes. There's nothing worse than being alone and awake at night staring blankly at a computer screen without the comfort of your favorite vice. Ok, there's much worse. But it didn't seem like it at the time. So I'm walking home and I pass a man who mumbles something that I ignore as I walk on. At first I thought my imagination was getting to me when I heard two sets of footsteps. But sure enough, it wasnt an echo of my own. And they were getting closer and louder. So I quickened my pace, and they quickened their pace. This continued for about a block until I broke out into a full run and met a taxicab square on in the middle of the street that my apartment is on. The guy chasing me ran past as the taxidriver let me in. It doesn't sound terrifying. But I didnt stop shaking for another three hours. And I still dont like to leave my apartment after dark.
04/1912. Titanic Sinks.
04/1917. Us enters WWI.
10/1929. Black Thursday.
05/1937. Hindenburg Explosion.
12/1944. Bombing of Pearl Harbor.
02/1945. Yalta Conference. Cold War Begins.
08/1945. Bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
02/1950. Red Scare Begins.
06/1950. Korean War Begins.
01/1959. Castro Takes Over Cuba.
08/1961. Berlin Wall Construction Begins.
10/1962. Cuban Missle Crisis.
11/1963. Kennedy Assasinated.
02/1965. US enters Vietnam.
04/1968. MLK, Jr. Assasinated
08/1974. Watergate Revealed.
01/1986. Challenger Explosion.
04/1993. Branch Davidian Compound Burns.
04/1995. Oklahoma City Bombing.
04/1999. Columbine Shooting.
09/2001. WTC, Pentagon Attacks.
Life is a statistic. Day is a bracket of time for the statistics to fall into. These were all days in somebody's lives. Now they are bracketed statistics used to fill our history books with relevance and our minds with fear.
How does this relate to a typical day in my life? Every day begins typical. Live.
I'm afraid to die. But what life is not equally terrifying? I remember the first time I had a near-miss in the face of death. 1984. (note the date created by man to remind ourselves of things of such atrocious nature) I had taken the first Delta flight out of Dallas to LA with my grandmother to visit my uncle in California. The next flight out hit a wind shear and killed everyone on board. Since then I've been deathly afraid of flying. My uncle died of AIDS 7 years later.
My next stare in the face of death was in college. 1996. I was one of those girls you see wrapped up in an abusive relationship with a drug addict who took her virginity and she thus fell 'in love' with him, spending every waking moment trying to save him so he would stop hurting her and stop hurting himself. And you say to yourself, 'why doesnt she just leave?' That thought never crossed my mind. What with my mind constantly between the throes of apologizing for not bailing him out of jail quickly enough and hiding beneath the windowsill of his friend's house that was being held up at gunpoint by the guys my boyfriend chose to sell 3000 dollars worth of fake acid to. Yeah, that's right. If you find the little rich kids who are already fucked up enough on their parents' coke, you can trick them into buying a ream of stratford white bond paper for three grand. A few months later I was on anti-depressants, weighing in at 90 pounds and seeing a therapist trying to overcome my 'co-dependency' while my boyfriend joined AA and proceeded to break up with me for someone who better 'understood' his pain.
My most recent fear of death or the like was just a few months ago. 2002. Walking home at 3am from the Plaid Pantry 6 blocks away. Why was I out at 3am? Because I have insomnia and I ran out of cigarettes. There's nothing worse than being alone and awake at night staring blankly at a computer screen without the comfort of your favorite vice. Ok, there's much worse. But it didn't seem like it at the time. So I'm walking home and I pass a man who mumbles something that I ignore as I walk on. At first I thought my imagination was getting to me when I heard two sets of footsteps. But sure enough, it wasnt an echo of my own. And they were getting closer and louder. So I quickened my pace, and they quickened their pace. This continued for about a block until I broke out into a full run and met a taxicab square on in the middle of the street that my apartment is on. The guy chasing me ran past as the taxidriver let me in. It doesn't sound terrifying. But I didnt stop shaking for another three hours. And I still dont like to leave my apartment after dark.
04/1912. Titanic Sinks.
04/1917. Us enters WWI.
10/1929. Black Thursday.
05/1937. Hindenburg Explosion.
12/1944. Bombing of Pearl Harbor.
02/1945. Yalta Conference. Cold War Begins.
08/1945. Bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
02/1950. Red Scare Begins.
06/1950. Korean War Begins.
01/1959. Castro Takes Over Cuba.
08/1961. Berlin Wall Construction Begins.
10/1962. Cuban Missle Crisis.
11/1963. Kennedy Assasinated.
02/1965. US enters Vietnam.
04/1968. MLK, Jr. Assasinated
08/1974. Watergate Revealed.
01/1986. Challenger Explosion.
04/1993. Branch Davidian Compound Burns.
04/1995. Oklahoma City Bombing.
04/1999. Columbine Shooting.
09/2001. WTC, Pentagon Attacks.
Life is a statistic. Day is a bracket of time for the statistics to fall into. These were all days in somebody's lives. Now they are bracketed statistics used to fill our history books with relevance and our minds with fear.
How does this relate to a typical day in my life? Every day begins typical. Live.
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makes one think. i really enjoyed your writing, very powerful.