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DD's of 2003 by krissimonsta

Literature by hiddendelights


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Submitted on
May 4, 2002
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9,016
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121 (who?)
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147
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i sink in one foot at a time
with the same anticipation
i would have while stepping into
the shadow of your naked body
if you were standing in front of me

i submerge myself
in the depths of lonely night
water hot with the scent
of your breath
if you were breathing on me
instead of the steam that
pricks my skin
and rises like your
face above mine would
if you were here.

i lay back slowly
letting it run through my hair
as your fingers would
if you were here
and it rises past my shoulders
drowning them in streams
of heat as you would
with your tongue
if you were here

it encircles my breasts
where your tongue would paint me
swallows my nipples
where your lips would embrace me
fills my navel and pours over
my waist sending pools
down between my lips
where you would part me
if you werent apart from me

i let the water hit me
where you are missing
let it bead up on my skin
and gush inside me
the space you would fill
with your electricity
heat and fire
if you were here

i arc back in dream and pulse
sending waves through this
flooded vessel
moving forth
with moonlight-speed inertia
illuminating my body
with candle glow
as you would with your
gift of nirvana
your love shooting
through me with
the power of ocean tide
tumbling tsunami
if you were here

water displaces
never replaces
energy is neither
destroyed
nor created
but is moved through me
with molecular mobility
where you will
someday sail in
and embark on my shore
displacing the water
that i need no more
well? what can i say? *blush*
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Daily Deviation

Given 2003-01-03
Listen to Utro as she sinks into the bath and writes magic into eroticism in the poem, "Displacement." She will explain afterward but it will only intensify the whole exhilarating experience she left you in when she said, "illuminating my body with candle glow as you would with your..."
(Selected by +jsenn) ( Featured by jsenn )
:iconuchihamindi:
UchihaMindi Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2008
nice job!~
Reply
:iconpassionatlyliving:
PassionatlyLiving Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2007
very...moving..touching...interesting =O
Reply
:iconpoetcrystaldawn:
poetcrystaldawn Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2007  Professional Photographer
Beautifully written.
Reply
:iconx-cold-hearted-x:
X-Cold-Hearted-X Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2006
So wonderful :)
Reply
:iconbelak01:
belak01 Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2005   Writer
it was truely a plearure to read that. Its been a lon time since i have read something with such gorgeous flow.
Reply
:iconconcretevision:
ConcreteVision Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2005
VERY well done! lucky guy, eh?:Plol
Reply
:iconpavlova:
Pavlova Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
This is, to be honest, one of the best poems I ever read.
Reply
:iconultimatekai:
ultimatekai Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2005  Hobbyist Digital Artist
That's so...good!!! Yay!!!
Reply
:iconcreativejuices:
CreativeJuices Featured By Owner May 28, 2005   Writer
I am astounded at the quality and taste of your writing. It's beautiful. :heart:
Reply
:iconsenarauxa:
senarauxa Featured By Owner May 18, 2005
really good, nice imagery, pretty good taste, though i missed the rhythm and the flow of the words,,, good work.......



"we are fighting dreamers"... u naruto
Reply
:iconconcretevision:
ConcreteVision Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2005
exelant! I'm not sure if you what you were using can be classified as a metaphore the whole way through the poem, but it was really quite good! ...lucky bastard jk
Reply
:iconangelasylum:
AngelAsylum Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2005
whoa! that is an amazingly well written poem! deffinitely a fav!
Reply
:iconinsainewho:
insainewho Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2005
i read this a year ago when it was just in the top ten for erotics
now its second

still can't belive how inesently sexual this is
it should be first by far
Reply
:icondyingtolive:
dyingtolive Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2005
That is amazingly tasteful, yet subtlety erotic. I am very impressed.
Reply
:iconjimmybabe05:
JimmyBabe05 Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2005
I wish I had the courage and intelligence to write that way
Thank you for being immaculately beautiful
Reply
:icondarkshadowblaze:
darkshadowblaze Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2005
great writing utro, I can definetely see why it was chosen as a daily deviation!
Reply
:iconinsainewho:
insainewho Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2005
the definition of a favirate
its sexual but not to the point where its for that reason
very great write
Reply
:iconblablaskunk:
blablaskunk Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2004   Writer
you did an amazing job of wording this!! very nice!
Reply
:iconselladohr:
selladohr Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2004
I absolutely love this poem. I'm sure you know it's good. :nod:
Reply
:iconpoetic-essence:
Poetic-Essence Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2004   Writer
This is really nice, i found it to be very honest, you did a wonderful job of placing your real feelings into words, and your selection of the free verse style did not diminish the sharpness of your work. Very nice!
Reply
:iconturquoisetelescope:
turquoisetelescope Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2004
mmmmm you probably won't read this as you have so many comments and they all say the same thing--- but i feel it necesscary anyhoo-

mmm....

my favourites visual, visceral images-
i felt the water going into my hair, moving warm and slowly mmm it was a massage, as my haid has been mad aching--

and nipples painted with tongue- i very much liked that one- as well as the conclusion...

i found myself thinking- i wish i could write this- because i would say, "as i wish you would do"
not, "as you would do"... there is some strength in that longling, some force behind the writing... i imagine your lover whom you wrote this for is very pleased.... as usual, after reading a poem, i feel inspired to write... thankyou...
perfect preview image as well.
:heart:
Reply
:iconlesbian-harlequin:
lesbian-harlequin Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2004
I can feel the flavor of the poem
Reply
:iconabstract-goddess:
abstract-goddess Featured By Owner May 19, 2004
Any poem with a vagina in the preview has gotta be good, eh?

You got a daily deviation, and much deserved I'll admit. Very intense passion and inertia. You deserve the recognition. Great job.
Reply
:iconiwon1:
Iwon1 Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2004
The whole poem is great. Awesome idea, relating it to a bath.

One issue: second stanza, last line. There's a period. It took me a while to realize that it was the only finishing punctuation in the entire thing. It just stuck out when I looked back on it.

But that's not stopping me from faving it ;)
Reply
:iconvesiculae:
Vesiculae Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2004
Coming back to this after over a year...

and it's still probably the best example of erotica I'll ever see on this site.

You're missed. By me, at least.

V. aka U.
Reply
:iconskitzomonica:
SkitzoMonica Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2004
Ehh, I figure everyone already said everything that's good about this, so I'll just add it to my favorites and say Good Job! :D
Reply
:icontormentedsorrows:
TormentedSorrows Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2004
Wow, I know you submitted this a long time ago, but i just wanted to say its awesome, and inspiring. great work
Reply
:icons--tl-le-ir0n-fist--:
S--Tl-lE-iR0N-FisT-- Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2004   Writer
Excellently written! I particularly like the imagery, which is made all the more real with your detailed descriptions. Brilliant!!
Reply
:iconwiretapscars:
wiretapscars Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2003
mmm excellent
Reply
:iconequus123:
equus123 Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2003
wow, that very last part in italics. perfect. i love this. im in a long distance relationship and we are so much in love. ....i love this.

if you dont mind, i took an excerpt from this in my journal on my page. i acredited your name and a link to ur userpage :)

incredible piece....
Reply
:iconomega-star:
omega-star Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2003
Ooooh...*has chills* The imagery you create has such power in this piece. Excellent use of subtlety (which, I think, always separates erotica from porn). I can almost see the bathtub and feel the water. I especially like the last stanza, which really brings out a sense of longing. Nice work! :D
Reply
:iconandaman:
Andaman Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2003
"you will
someday sail in
and embark on my shore
displacing the water
that i need no more"

The closer was simple but brilliant. Good show.
Reply
:icontj-machine:
TJ-machine Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2003   Interface Designer
mmm... makes me want to slip into a hot bath right now!

sexy and honest. i like.
Reply
:iconelectrolytic:
electrolytic Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2003
I love it.

I almost feel ashamed reading it because in my minds eye I can see you... it's a sign of how well you wrote it.
Reply
:iconfallingsilver:
fallingsilver Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2003
I'm not a big fan of erotic poems but the last stanza really works well (with its rhymes too) to give this piece a nice sort of closure. :aww:
Reply
:iconkolya:
kolya Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2003   Writer
This is great work. It really does express (I assume, as I'm a bloke ;) (Wink) ) the feeling one must have when their loved one isn't there. It's nicely written, and I could swear I felt warm water around my feet as I read it... :D (Big Grin)
Reply
:iconniminitzar:
niminitzar Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2003
nicely done... always a pleasure to read your work.
Reply
:iconkodkinism:
kodkinism Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2003
Wow, I dont think ive read anything quite like this! I absolutely /love/ the comparisons you make. As a person who showers, I haven't climbed into a steamy bath for years, but I can tell you, as soon as I finish typing here im heading /straight/ to the tub! This poem brings that wonderfully sensual feeling back so vividly.

This is /very/ well done. I have to agree with "throw-a-bomb" (above), its absolutely ridiculous that "like deviation" is the highest vote. I think DA really needs to add another one, or change the text.

+fav!
Reply
:iconthrow-a-bomb:
throw-a-bomb Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2003
*quiver* "like deviation" is the greatest understatement ever for me.
Reply
:iconjustifiedpain:
justifiedpain Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2003
Wow! you are a spectacular writer! awesome job!
Reply
:iconsomething-wicked:
something-wicked Featured By Owner May 14, 2003
Very well done! *goes to get bath oil* Be back later!!

-stw
Reply
:icontaye:
taye Featured By Owner May 7, 2003
Wow, that was really nice. I love the way you captured the erotic moment...very beautifully done.
Reply
:iconlimnersphere:
limnersphere Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2003
This is a wonderfully repeated line that speaks of your emotional need "if you were here." It has strengthed meaning with all the sensual and erotic imagery that you present here in this poem. And yes, I am going to repeat what many others have said. This is a very moving poem on the emotional level of need, the sensual and erotic. You crafted a superb poem.

The stanza that caps it and brings it all in is:

water displaces
never replaces
energy is neither
destroyed
nor created
but is moved through me
with molecular mobility
where you will(
someday sail in
and embark on my shore
displacing the water
that i need no more

Easy cadence, rhymed lines, and easy beat (syllable count) small ines just help this poem to rush force with the climax of the piece. Which is when the emotional/sexual/companionship need is slated with the joining of the soulmate.
Reply
:iconrohillier:
rohillier Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2003
At first I said to myself "this has so many metaphors (I think that's what it would be)" but I read on and this is a REALLY good poem ... like very much ...
If I wrote this I'd probably blush too, but be proud ... you did an excellent job.
Reply
:iconluvmyinerdemon:
luvmyinerdemon Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2003
wow this is possibly one of the best written poems i have read so far. Not that I have been a member all that long but still...it created great imagry and I loved how u compared the water with a person...i think my fav line is...i lay back slowly letting it run through my hair as your fingers would if you were here.... i loved this piece and i am eager to see other peices you have written..im glad to see a change for most of the poems i have written had to deal with hate and anger..like most of my own..ne ways i loved this piece and please dont blush..if i were u I would be very proud of it!
Reply
:iconnikan2:
nikan2 Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2003
truly inspirational... theres nothing left to say
so many people reacted to this and said all the things that need to be said.. good job
Reply
:iconubetyourboots:
ubetyourboots Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2003   Writer
Too bad there's no "REALLY Like Deviation" option....

For the past 3 years I've been perfecting my skills as a poet, noticing how my works [not at all to be conceited, but...] were far beyond the works of those around me. At first, it felt great--but even the healthiest amount of ego can be a curse. So for the longest time, I have been searching for poets who could humble me, could give ME a great read, without being Yeats or Frost. I found what I was looking for late last night, when I joined deviantART. Especially in Utro.

Ute, this is amazing--it took everything in my will to stop myself from...um...getting aroused. :) (Smile) I wonder if that's the approach my Beloved has to taking a bath...? Anyway, I can definitely see why your poem has over 50 fav votes.

Now will I try my best to outdo you? ;) (Wink) Ubetyourboots.

[link]
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:iconrebelchic:
rebelchic Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2003
I honestly have no words for the beauty expressed in this. It's one of those perfect pieces.
Reply
:iconbigguy:
bigguy Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2003
In a way I wish I were a woman for the simple sake that as a man I don't think I could fully comprehend the depth of this poem.
Reply
:icondark-nation:
dark-nation Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2003
Woah, now this prsents you with some vivid imagry.

I like the rhythm and um...mood that this sensual poetry places in you.

Wow...that was seductive, without being ertotic in the sense that there is no emotinal bond.

Great Job ^_^
Reply
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